The Blessed Virgin Wonton

A Blessed Note

2009-06-13T11:11:00.001-05:00

I am too old for my journeys and must retire.

Good Friday Blessing

2008-03-21T10:13:00.003-05:00

Please pray for me and My Son who was brutally crucified by the Romans.

A Message

2008-03-17T16:23:00.005-05:00

I have been too busy with my travels to update. Since my son's resurrection is coming soon, my duties for the Church will interrupt all of my good works throughout the world. Also, that crippling war in Iraq still infuriates me and I took to my bed for a few weeks.

For the last few months, I have been in Antarctica studying the effects of Climate Change. Al Gore is a peach btw and deserved that Nobel.

I also spent more time in my precious China. I am APPALLED at the Chinese treatment of Tibet and will boycott the Olympics this year. I will make an upcoming appearance on the Tibet side of the border in allegiance with my Buddhist brethren.

Currently, I am in the Holy Land visiting my old haunts, but will head to Rome to listen to Benedict sing the praises of my son. If only he would give me script approval. The Church needs some modern ideas.

All my blessings and remember my son. Tis the season!

Update

2007-08-28T16:21:00.000-05:00

I have returned from my whirlwind trip to Asia. China may be communist, but they cook a mean duck. I will post more later, but I just wanted to clarify something

Over at Shakesville, someone named Wolfrum- sounds like the devil to me- posted another supposed sighting of my son.

For the record- MY SON CHISELS AND WORKS WITH WOOD! He does not appear on it!

He constructed a lovely bed for me that I might post a picture of someday.

He is such a good boy and loves his mother.

Praise upon you all,
I will return shortly.

Apologies

2007-05-23T07:53:00.002-05:00

I apologize for the lack of posts. I have been a very busy Wonton. Between the Ascension and the Resurrection of my son, I have not had time to write anything. Pope Benedict is demanding when it comes to me and I have to behave like a trained seal for the sake of the church. I cannot wait for a new Pope. Benedict is downright nasty sometimes and I want to burn his prized Prada loafers. I will not. I have an image to uphold. Through the marvels of Catholicism, I can think or say whatever I want as long as I visit the Confessional afterwards. Plus, I get a lot of leeway as I am THE BLESSED VIRGIN WONTON and the Mother of Man’s Savior.

I am off to China for holiday and maybe help some of those unfortunates. Chinese food is by far my favorite cuisine and a good roasted duck makes me want to recite seven Hail Marys.

I prefer the traditional Hail Mary,

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.

Not that overly long one of today.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee; blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen.

So depressing.

CIAO for now and Bless You All with My Love.

The Blessed Virgin Wonton

2007-03-26T18:43:00.000-05:00

She's a Hoax!

2007-03-23T17:12:00.000-05:00

Dozens of witnesses were on hand for the miracle. A Madonna statue in a hostel for pilgrims in the small Bavarian town of Heroldsbach suddenly began shedding tears two weeks ago -- fat drops of water running down her cheek and dripping off her chin. For skeptics, the photos are difficult to ignore. One worshipper even kissed one of the tears which had run down Mother Mary's cheek and plopped onto her hand. (Spiegel)

Those fine people over at Shakespeare's Sister brought this to my attention and I must tell the true story. This Bavarian "crying" Mary is a hoax. Her real name is Bruna Beidelmeister of Landshut and her father was Hitler's cobbler. I met her many years ago on one of my pilgrimages to the grave of beloved playwright, Bertolt Brecht. She was working the streets like that other Mary my SON knew. I took her in and helped her find a new path. What did I get in return? She stole my cherished Ivory Chopsticks given to me by Da Di, the Emperor of WU. She also killed my beloved poodle, Puddles. That story is too tragic to recite.

Bruna fell in love with a sculptor who used her image to make a statue of me. The Blasphemy! I chatted with my SON and he spoke to his father who owes me many favors but refuses to talk to me directly. Therefore, HE placed Bruna inside the statue. Now, she will cry at the drop of a hat to draw attention to herself.

That is the real story.

The Virgin Wonton at the Temple Mount

2007-03-18T18:35:00.000-05:00

"Can't they just stop fighting and
turn it into condos!"

The Virgin Wonton Visits St. Peter's Basilica and the Sistine Chapel

2007-03-18T18:03:00.000-05:00

"So decadent! I love it!

Don't Cry For Me Virgin Wonton

2007-03-18T18:00:00.001-05:00

The Virgin Wonton addresses
her loyal believers.

The Virgin Wonton Visits Ephesus

2007-03-18T17:56:00.000-05:00

"Do they really think I would live here?"

The Virgin Wonton Visits Her Favorite Playwright

2007-03-18T17:55:00.000-05:00

"War is like love; it always finds a way."

The Virgin Wonton at Studio 54

2007-03-18T17:51:00.000-05:00

"Just Me and the Gals."

The Virgin Wonton Supports The Gays

2007-03-18T17:32:00.000-05:00

And loves a Grande nonfat
Caramel Macchiato from Starbucks.

Dan Brown was WRONG!

2007-03-18T17:30:00.000-05:00

"I AM THE ONLY MARY!"

The Virgin Wonton at the Great Wall

2007-03-18T17:27:00.000-05:00

"I really feel like I belong here.
There's some good eatin' nearby!"

The Virgin Wonton Visits the Taj Mahal!

2007-03-18T17:25:00.000-05:00

"All Joseph built me was a new donkey cart!"
"And you know who didn't help
my reputation."

The Virgin Wonton Heads to Carnival!

2007-03-18T17:21:00.001-05:00

She also checks for cracks in her son's statue.
"Those Brazilians are so nice to honor him."

The Virgin Wonton Visits Nepal

2007-03-18T16:57:00.000-05:00

Some Temple of another religion-
she wasn't impressed.

The Virgin Wonton goes to India

2007-03-18T16:48:00.000-05:00

The Virgin Wonton rests at
Dhamekh Stupa in Sarnath.

Buddha rested here once as will she.

The Virgin Wonton takes a
boat trip down the Ganges.

The Virgin Wonton Squashes the Pagans!

2007-03-18T16:46:00.000-05:00

"I am 2000 years too late!
Where's my son to help me?"

President Virgin Wonton

2007-03-18T16:45:00.000-05:00

The Virgin Wonton has a
routine meeting in the Oval Office.

She will save the world!

The solitary Virgin Wonton stands on the
White House south lawn.

She does not require secret service-
SHE IS THE HOLY MOTHER!

The Virgin Wonton Destroys Osama

2007-03-18T16:41:00.001-05:00

Since George Bush couldn't do it,
the Virgin Wonton uses her God-given NUCLEAR right
to destroy Osama.