The Blessed Virgin Wonton

She's a Hoax!

• Dozens of witnesses were on hand for the miracle. A Madonna statue in a hostel for pilgrims in the small Bavarian town of Heroldsbach suddenly began shedding tears two weeks ago -- fat drops of water running down her cheek and dripping off her chin. For skeptics, the photos are difficult to ignore. One worshipper even kissed one of the tears which had run down Mother Mary's cheek and plopped onto her hand. (Spiegel)

Those fine people over at Shakespeare's Sister brought this to my attention and I must tell the true story. This Bavarian "crying" Mary is a hoax. Her real name is Bruna Beidelmeister of Landshut and her father was Hitler's cobbler. I met her many years ago on one of my pilgrimages to the grave of beloved playwright, Bertolt Brecht. She was working the streets like that other Mary my SON knew. I took her in and helped her find a new path. What did I get in return? She stole my cherished Ivory Chopsticks given to me by Da Di, the Emperor of WU. She also killed my beloved poodle, Puddles. That story is too tragic to recite.

Bruna fell in love with a sculptor who used her image to make a statue of me. The Blasphemy! I chatted with my SON and he spoke to his father who owes me many favors but refuses to talk to me directly. Therefore, HE placed Bruna inside the statue. Now, she will cry at the drop of a hat to draw attention to herself.

That is the real story.

The Virgin Wonton at the Temple Mount

"Can't they just stop fighting and
turn it into condos!"

The Virgin Wonton Visits St. Peter's Basilica and the Sistine Chapel

"So decadent! I love it!

Don't Cry For Me Virgin Wonton

The Virgin Wonton addresses
her loyal believers.

The Virgin Wonton Visits Ephesus

"Do they really think I would live here?"

The Virgin Wonton Visits Her Favorite Playwright

"War is like love; it always finds a way."

The Virgin Wonton at Studio 54

"Just Me and the Gals."

The Virgin Wonton Supports The Gays

And loves a Grande nonfat
Caramel Macchiato from Starbucks.

Dan Brown was WRONG!

"I AM THE ONLY MARY!"

The Virgin Wonton at the Great Wall

"I really feel like I belong here.
There's some good eatin' nearby!"

The Virgin Wonton Visits the Taj Mahal!

"All Joseph built me was a new donkey cart!"
"And you know who didn't help
my reputation."

The Virgin Wonton Heads to Carnival!

She also checks for cracks in her son's statue.
"Those Brazilians are so nice to honor him."

The Virgin Wonton Visits Nepal

Some Temple of another religion-
she wasn't impressed.

The Virgin Wonton goes to India

The Virgin Wonton rests at
Dhamekh Stupa in Sarnath.

Buddha rested here once as will she.

The Virgin Wonton takes a
boat trip down the Ganges.

The Virgin Wonton Squashes the Pagans!

"I am 2000 years too late!
Where's my son to help me?"

President Virgin Wonton

The Virgin Wonton has a
routine meeting in the Oval Office.

She will save the world!

The solitary Virgin Wonton stands on the
White House south lawn.

She does not require secret service-
SHE IS THE HOLY MOTHER!

The Virgin Wonton Destroys Osama

Since George Bush couldn't do it,
the Virgin Wonton uses her God-given NUCLEAR right
to destroy Osama.